Perhaps even more elusive than succeeding in love, is our success as humans at finding happiness. We see glimpses of it around us, we are inundated with pictures of it, on occasion we even grasp it when fortune and our hard work align.
More often than not though, happiness as an external idea. It’s a debt-like cloud that floats above us blocking the sun, or an inconsistent friend who shows up at their own convenience. Happiness gives us the little fix needed to keep us invested, but for many people, happiness shows up too infrequently.
The conditions for happiness appear to be a complex rubix, requiring everything to align. There is no equation that fits all sizes, and the depth with which we each struggle is completely unique. With complete respect, I believe the choices each person takes towards achieving happiness, must truly be tailored and unique to them alone. This post is not intended to question anyone’s personal methods. Rather the intent is to realign our perception and relationship with happiness as part of a daily reality.
But first we need to examine love. When it comes to love we have all heard the adage, “it takes two to tango”, and it is true, a good relationship shouldn't require a mountain of work, but both parties need to mutually invest a certain amount of energy.
Love has two faces.
The more exciting version of love involves falling. The elation, excitement, nervousness, novelty, the flattery to the ego that someone might be interested in you. These feelings are a perfect combination for lighting up the body and brain in gratifying ways. This type of love is like riding a wave, even if you make it onto the ride, the experience is inevitably fleeting.
The second type of love moves more slowly and is carried with you at your core. Think of how you love a family member or a friend. That warm, solid glow, stays alight on account of longevity. This type of affection is built from a series of small gestures and experiences that create a solid foundation you can return to like a home.
What I want to posit is that happiness parallels these two types of love, except for one major difference, which is that you are in the relationship with yourself.
The first type of happiness, like falling in love, exists in line with immediate gratification. It’s the feeling you get when the universe rewards you. It’s the moment you land your dream job, win a prize, or just buy yourself something nice. Like sun streaming through the clouds, you are lit up by a temporary surge of endorphins. In the best way this reward reminds us to stay on track and work hard, and at the worst chasing the feeling fuels our addictive self-pacifying habits. Often this type of happiness depends on external circumstances, and like a perfect sunny day, it is hard to chase.
Personally I find the second of these parallels more interesting, because I am fascinated by the idea that our relationship with happiness throughout life can evolve. Similar to a relationship with a partner, perhaps the first step in that journey involves a choice to acknowledge, participate, and invest in order for improvement to occur.
Happiness is remembered in moments, but elevating our overarching enjoyment of life, involves developing and maintaining a positive relationship with oneself. Is it worth investigating what this looks like for you? The more you invest in being attuned to your needs, desires, and boundaries, the closer you are to understanding how to build a reality that aligns with, and elevates, your experience of life. It is a life-long partnership, so the sooner you commit and invest, the sooner you will see a return.
I hope you choose to acknowledge where you are, regardless of what that looks like. Know that you are deserving of the self-care and knowledge needed to improve your daily life. Every time we build and lose relationships we become more informed about who we are, so remember, similarly, each variation and experience of yourself you move through, is also its own form of progress. Do you believe you are worthy of the effort and investment? I do!
Let me know your feels @cleaanais
